Love is in the air!

Winter is a time of blustery winds, warm blankets, and book friends to fill your heart.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Are We Minimizing Dads

Okay. Many people might find this blog offensive, so I apologize in advance. (But I am going to write the damn thing anyway!)

I guess someone in the Sinatra family wants more money because the image and voice of Frank Sinatra (He died on May 14, 1998), not to mention his name, is being used to sell Jack Daniel's Sinatra Select.

That is a business decision someone has made, and it is a brilliant marketing plan.

However, the commercials remind me of Mia Farrows' claim that the son she previously claimed was the product of Woody Allen's loins is actually the result of Frank Sinatra's sperm.

If that is true, why did she let the world go on thinking for a couple of decades that the poor boy was the son of an alleged pedophile? Growing up with the stigma that your "father" raped one of your sisters is not something a loving mother should do to her child, especially if the young man was not the offspring of the alleged pedophile.

Then we have all the young women, and some not so young women, going on Maury and other talk shows wanting to prove which man out of the multitudes "is my baby's daddy." 

The woman is always "one thousand percent sure" the man in question is the "daddy" because he was the "only one" she was with, or if more than one man has been tested, "the only other one."

What is the purpose of these tests? The woman always claims she wants the man to step up and be a daddy, but you can't force a man to act like a daddy if he doesn't want to.

If a man wants to love a child and be a daddy he will step forward. Bringing a bunch of men (there was at least one woman on Maury that had over 29 men tested at various times for the same child) onto a television show to have a DNA test does not a daddy make.

Due to the nature of our Hunter/Warrior forebearers, a man's role in the raising of a child had been minimal. The man brought home the meat and killed the enemies. The Hunter/Warrior placed himself in danger and didn't always survive to come home, so children were raised primarily by mothers.

In today's society men have serious choices to make, but if they choose wisely they will not be stuck making child support payments for the next 18-22 years. A man can wrap it, get a vasectomy, or he can keep it to himself.

If he spreads his sperm around the courts can order him to pay for the results of his activities, but they can't force him to be a daddy.

A woman has to decide if she wants to be a Mommy who is willing to love and nurture her child, whether she has a committed partner or not.

As a reader of romance, I always love the "secret baby" stories. 

As a writer, I love to write them.

As a realist, I know that not all men are Daddy material. If a woman chooses to have a child, she must face up to the fact that at some point in her life she may become a single parent. This could happen through death or design. 

If it is through design, such as a divorce, a good man will step up to the plate and remain in his child's life, but you can't force him to. If you have a child as a single mother, you must love the child enough so that he or she doesn't have a diminished self-esteem not having a father. 

That is not done by a constant search for a new daddy, nor is it accomplished by bemoaning the fact you have to do it all. 

It is achieved by doing the best you can and loving your children unconditionally.

There are fabulous fathers who love their children unconditionally too. 

To re-enforce your child's self-esteem never, ever, bad mouth the other parent. Remember, 50% of your child's DNA comes from that other parent. Even if that parent is no longer in the child's life.

As we approach Father's Day I would like to wish all the Daddies a Happy Day.


  1. This is a great post! The courts can make a guy pay child support, but unfortunately they have to find him first. ��

    1. I know several men who move from job-to-job every couple of months to avoid having the money taken out of their checks.